It’s completely normal to have moments of highs and lows inside of a long term relationship. When you have a lull, don’t freak out and think things are over. Accept the feelings and try to hone in on what it is you or your partner might be needing in the relationship.
One way to spark intimacy is to create a safe environment for your partner to open up and speak freely without being judged or advised. We all want to be quick to jump in to help out or even say “I told you so.” Try this instead. When your partner opens up to share, stay present with them in the moment without thinking about what you’ll say next or how you’ll jump in to help or save them. Give them the stage and allow them to feel nurtured and supported by your stillness and intentional listening. Our unwarranted advising or warning can leave our partners feeling less heard or supported. They may think twice when opening up again. A simple, “I hear you,” can be all that is needed for him or her to feel the support they need in the moment they are opening up to you. This simple gesture can snowball into a deeper emotional connection, which is the glue of the relationship.
Undo the damage.
Removing the damage of constricting feelings that he may receive from us, unintentionally, can open up the space for the spark to emerge. If you find yourself asking questions stemming from your insecurities, in a way that feels constricting, it will certainly put a damper on the spark. Before you open your mouth to ask a question, which may land as nagging to him, ask if the question is necessary and if it is being driven from a place of fear.
If you catch yourself advising him, warning him, directing him, blaming him, or criticizing him frequently, you’re on a surefire path to damp and dreary days ahead with him.
Did you know that recent studies show that enthusiasm and energy can be just as or more attractive to people than physical attractiveness? You can use your enthusiasm to spark an intimate connection with your partner and bring back the spark. Try this. Here is a tip that I call “The Shine.” When you’re with your partner alone or on date night, shine your face with strong love and enthusiasm toward your partner. Although is works on both genders, Men specifically equate admiration and respect to love. If you can grow this inside and shine it on him, you’ll get volumes back! You can grow warm feelings toward your partner by creating a gratitude practice where you write down ten things you feel grateful for about your partner each week. It’s magical.
Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Megan coaches individual women in intense programs with her proven Lean Back for Love System and principles. She also runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles. You can connect with her on her website www.meganweks.com. LVBX readers are also eligible to receive a complimentary feminine energy mini-session. Reach out to her on Twitter or Facebook, and subscribe to her LVBX LIVE videos and join her Facebook group The Sovereign Jewel Sisterhood.
Megan’s Philosophy: Lean Back (definition) – The posture of a fully self-actualized woman, which allows men and their energies to flow toward her. She is focused on herself and her life as an individual, in preparation and willingness to receive her greatest love in return.